Sigh. It seems that now more than ever some decisions must be made and positions must be steadfastly assumed. Fence-sitting, middle-ground and indecisiveness have been thoroughly cast aside, along with any acknowledgment of opinion as being just that--an opinion. These days its become a feat to find someone with simply a phone in their pocket, merely songs in their headphones or just an operating system on their computers. Everyday I’m often accosted by the ravenous iPhone clan, the dedicated Drake defense league and those that truly believe Windows 7 was their idea. Likewise, as soon as you break free from their clasps, from behind some digital bush comes the blog posts and tweets of those that scream of open-source, clamor for wheelchair Jimmy’s demise and poke fun at drivers and anti-virus protection (honestly, I forgot what those things are.)
Although preference is an undeniable right of anyone with a Facebook account, I wonder why it has to be so aggressive. This aggression almost without fault comes from two equally fanatic fronts: the Fanboy and the Hater. The fanboy of course is known by many names -- zealot, go-hard, d*ck-rider, etc. -- but they all seem to have a common thread of some sort of brand loyalty. Whether its Apple nowadays or Rocafella in 2000, brand loyalty’s perhaps saddest feature is that brands will not and cannot return your loyalty. Lady Gaga’s monsters and all the Bieber-maniacs may get a RT or a good soaking, but neither Lady Gaga or Justin will buy your album. They won’t come to your concert. They’re probably not even following you back, are they? (Realistically Justin Bieber might. This might not even apply to him because he truly loves each and every one of us as the gospel hath told us.)
This is in no way an attempt to burst any evangelist bubbles. Love what you love...in moderation. There’s no need to convert us. My salvation is not in jeopardy because Entourage doesn’t entertain me. There’s nothing wrong with choosing Glee as your savior. But it’s when the love over-floweth from your Fuckyeah Tumblr blog, do we see the error in the fanboy’s ways. Because too much love will almost always find you face to face with that most infamous of creatures, the hater. They even have admittedly catchy songs about the beast. While their mating habits are still unknown we do know that haters apparently see you and are deserving of hi’s. Other than that we can’t always be sure of their motives or rationales for hating. They just do it. They thrive off the rapid decrease of your enjoyment. Usually, they assume some ad-hoc opposing position but are really more focused on the hating. (Like you really think Blackberry’s are better than iPhones because you guys can message one another?) Even when haters have valid points they usually deliver them in obnoxious, yet comical ways that make their point seem to not matter that much anyway.
A battlefield between two stances can be made from anything. Like, is your web browser that important? As long as it handles porn and Hulu with the same efficacy, who cares?
...Ironically the Firefox at my job just crashed (Chrome bitches!!!) so I’ll conclude with this: just as they currently exist inseparably interconnected like incestuous parents/brothers, it would behoove the eternal fanboy and audacious hater to find some sort of peaceful coexistence, for all our sakes. Currently, I have no idea what new multi-billion dollar conglomerate I should give my hard earned greenbacks to in exchange for some overpriced, over-marketed, over-hyped product that will inevitably fail to satisfy my unrelenting consumer thirst. Oh and hopefully it’ll have a front-facing camera. I’d like that :-)
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